Skip to main content

"You Do You, But Don’t You Dare Rewrite Someone Else’s Trauma"

 




Family and trauma. Two words that should never sit next to each other, but somehow, they often do.

You ever notice how a single event can shatter an entire household in different ways? You put ten people in the same room, and you’ll come out with ten different versions of the same explosion. Some remember the fire, others only the smoke. And some? Some will swear nothing ever burned at all.

That’s the thing about trauma—it’s personal. It’s not up for debate, it's not a roundtable topic, and it's definitely not yours to discredit just because your memory paints it in softer colors. Maybe you blocked things out. Maybe you weren’t the target. Maybe you just weren’t paying attention. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” – Matthew 7:1

When someone finally has the strength—the courage—to speak up about what they lived through, it’s like watching them strip their soul bare in front of the world. And what do some family members do? They throw stones at it. Whisper behind backs. Toss around the word “liar” like they own the rights to the truth.

Well, newsflash: truth isn’t one-size-fits-all. Trauma doesn’t play by your rules. And your guilt, your denial, your absence? That’s not a valid reason to try and silence someone else’s voice.

If you weren’t there in the darkest hours—if you weren’t the one being screamed at, beaten down, humiliated, or abandoned—then you don’t get to say how someone else should feel about it. You don’t get to be the moral police of someone else's healing journey.

“Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.” – Proverbs 14:10

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” – Galatians 6:2

I’ve watched a man I love unravel the pain of a childhood no one protected him from. I’ve heard the raw screams through a prison phone line, the breakdowns mid-sentence, the “I can’t take this anymore” aftershocks that trauma still sends, years later, while he's locked behind concrete and steel, trying to piece together who he is under all that damage.

He remembers. All of it. Every moment. Every silence. Every betrayal. He lives with it. And the worst part? The people who should’ve stood by him are the ones who now stand furthest away.

So if you’re one of those people, let me say this with love, but without any apology: YOU DO YOU.

Be angry. Be defensive. Keep rewriting history if that makes you sleep better at night. But don’t you dare look someone in the eye—or worse, tell others behind their back—that their version of the story isn’t valid. That it’s not real. That it’s “dramatic” or “exaggerated.” Because unless you wore their skin, felt their fear, cried their tears… you simply. do. not. know.

“They dress the wound of my people as though it were not serious. ‘Peace, peace,’ they say, when there is no peace.” – Jeremiah 6:14
“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” – Philippians 2:4

And don’t pretend like you're feeling “guilty” for not being there back then if all you’re gonna do now is ghost them again. Because all that does is reopen the same wounds they were barely starting to scab over.

Me? Hate me if you want. Talk all the mess you want because I speak up, because I share his truth, because I won’t back down. I’ve got thick skin, bigger shoulders, and a fire in my chest that won’t go out. I’m the one here—every single damn day—picking up the shattered pieces while the rest of you stand at a distance and pass judgment.

I choose to be the one holding him up. Through the tears. Through the trauma. Through the 15-minute calls that always end too soon but never end the pain.

You don’t get to judge that. Not him. Not me. Not any survivor who has the guts to open up.

So yeah. You do you.

But don’t ever forget:
He lived it.
He still is.
And you? You left.
So think twice before you speak.

“Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.” – Proverbs 31:8

#EppersonEmpowerment #PowerOfOurVoicesLLC #SpeakYourTruth #FamilyTrauma #TraumaSurvivors #HealingIsNotLinear #BiblicalTruth #MentalHealthAwareness #YouDoYouButStayInYourLane #FromGuardToWife #RealTalkRealPain #PrisonAdvocacy #WeWillNotBeSilenced #StandByYourPerson #BiblicalJustice #SurvivorsDeserveSupport

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fighting for Ryan: The Battle for His Life Inside Arizona’s Broken System

  I never thought I’d be writing this. Not like this. Not as the wife of the man I used to guard, used to protect. Not as someone on the outside screaming for help that should’ve been automatic on the inside. But here we are. I used to serve this system. Now I’m exposing it. I used to wear the uniform. Sixteen hours a day, six days a week, I walked those same yards. I protected inmates, respected them, loved them—because I knew most of them had never known compassion a day in their life. I saw their pain, their potential, their humanity. And now? Now I’m fighting like hell for the one who stole my heart behind those very walls. My husband is being failed. Deliberately. Repeatedly. Brutally. For days now— too many days —my husband has been locked down in complete isolation under what they call “observation.” No family contact. No personal belongings. No consistent monitoring. No treatment plan. What he’s getting instead? A blanket and a pill. They’re trying to medicate h...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Truth About Prison Relationships

  by Ryan People love to say things like: “She’ll move on.” “It’s not real love.” “He’s just using her.” “She’s wasting her life.” Let me be clear: They don’t know a damn thing about prison relationships. They don’t know what it’s like to hold onto love through walls,   wire,  and years. They don’t know what it’s like to fall asleep wondering if she’s okay and wake up praying she hasn’t given up on you yet. They don’t know what it takes for a woman to stay committed to a man society already threw away. And they sure as hell don’t know what it’s like to love someone you can’t touch, can’t hold, can’t protect— but still fight for every single day. My relationship isn't built on physical closeness. It’s built on trust. On pain. On redemption. On showing up for each other through letters, through phone calls, through the worst days of our lives. And let me say this loud and clear: She didn’t wait on me. She stood up for me. When I couldn’t speak, she spoke. When I couldn’t be...
Post a Comment
Read more

Another FBOP Failure: Tammy's Story — When “Funding” Becomes a Death Sentence

  Here we go again. Another woman, another broken promise behind razor wire. Another excuse that starts with “funding” and ends with neglect. Tammy’s story is not new. It’s not unique. And that’s the biggest tragedy of all. Because her life—and her vision—matter. And so does every other person sitting in a Federal Bureau of Prisons (FBOP) facility, hoping for even the most basic human care. Recently, Tammy reached out to share what’s been going on at her facility, and I think it speaks for itself: "Recently I wrote about how the BOP seems to be broke. They took away several items at food service due to funding—like the salad bar (which, by the way, was just plain lettuce mix and generic dressing), they’ve limited eggs (maybe understandable with the bird flu), and removed extra items like beans and rice. What I didn’t mention, but probably should have, is that my prison doesn’t even repurpose leftovers. They literally throw away pounds and pounds of food daily from our kitche...
Post a Comment
Read more