Navigating Love Through Bars: The Early Days of Our Relationship

The early days of our relationship were anything but easy. Falling in love with someone behind bars is not something you can prepare for, and every day felt like navigating uncharted territory. Yet, despite the challenges, our bond only grew stronger.

After deciding to leave my job as a correctional officer, I was filled with both relief and fear. Relief because I could finally let myself love freely, without the constraints of my professional role. Fear because I was stepping into a world of uncertainty, where judgment from others was inevitable, and the path ahead was anything but clear.

But the reality of those early days was even harsher than I anticipated. Ryan and I didn’t get to speak after I quit. In fact, the prison tried to get him to say that I was "coming on to him," and they opened a PREA investigation against me.

For those unfamiliar, the Prison Rape Elimination Act (PREA) is a federal law designed to prevent, detect, and respond to sexual abuse and harassment in correctional facilities. When a PREA investigation is opened, the facility investigates any allegations of sexual misconduct. In our case, the prison was looking into whether there had been any inappropriate conduct between Ryan and me. The process was intense and stressful, adding even more strain to an already difficult situation.

On the outside, things weren’t any easier. My then-husband and I were being followed and watched by the prison, and every move I made felt scrutinized. The pressure was immense, and there were days when it felt like the walls were closing in on me.

Our only communication during this time came through Ryan’s parents. Hearing how he was doing from them was both a blessing and a curse. It was a relief to know he was okay, but it was also heartbreaking to be so close yet so far away. We weren’t allowed to speak at all, and that silence was deafening.

Despite all of this, I never lost sight of why I made the choice to be with him. Love isn’t always logical, but it is powerful. And our love, no matter the circumstances, was something worth fighting for.

Those early days were filled with uncertainty and fear, but they also taught us resilience. Even though we couldn’t speak directly, we found ways to stay connected through the love we shared and the strength we found in each other. We made a promise to never give up, no matter how hard things got.

Looking back now, I realize that those early days were the foundation of the life we’ve built together. They taught us patience, endurance, and the true meaning of unconditional love. And even though our journey is far from over, I know that the strength we found during those days will carry us through whatever comes next.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
—Joshua 1:9

Comments

The Beating You Weren’t Supposed to See: A Former AZDOC Officer Speaks Out

Let me tell you something right now — that viral 3-minute video Fox 10 Phoenix aired last week? That wasn’t the whole story. That was just the tip of the blood-soaked iceberg. As a former Arizona Department of Corrections Officer, I know exactly what you're looking at in that video. You’re seeing the tail end of a brutal, calculated beatdown that started long before the cameras started rolling. That inmate? He’d already been dragged, pummeled, and bled out — by the time he was being chased down the entire length of the prison yard like a damn scene out of a gladiator movie. Fox 10’s report referred to it as a fight that “spilled out into the prison yard.” SPILLED OUT? Like someone knocked over a soda. No — this wasn’t some spontaneous scuffle. That man was hunted . Let’s Break Down the Bullsh*t Donna Hamm’s Comment: “The inmates are running the asylum, and that's not what the taxpayers in Arizona are paying for.” Newsflash: the inmates have always run the yard. Th...

Fighting for Ryan: The Battle for His Life Inside Arizona’s Broken System

I never thought I’d be writing this. Not like this. Not as the wife of the man I used to guard, used to protect. Not as someone on the outside screaming for help that should’ve been automatic on the inside. But here we are. I used to serve this system. Now I’m exposing it. I used to wear the uniform. Sixteen hours a day, six days a week, I walked those same yards. I protected inmates, respected them, loved them—because I knew most of them had never known compassion a day in their life. I saw their pain, their potential, their humanity. And now? Now I’m fighting like hell for the one who stole my heart behind those very walls. My husband is being failed. Deliberately. Repeatedly. Brutally. For days now— too many days —my husband has been locked down in complete isolation under what they call “observation.” No family contact. No personal belongings. No consistent monitoring. No treatment plan. What he’s getting instead? A blanket and a pill. They’re trying to medicate h...

Fighting a Whole Prison System: One Wife's War for Justice

Let me tell you what it’s like to go to war—not with guns or bombs, but with phone calls, legal documents, and a heart that refuses to give up. I’m not just fighting for my husband—I’m fighting against an entire prison system built to wear people down until they give up. But I won’t. I haven’t. And I never will. My husband is incarcerated in Arizona Department of Corrections. And what started out as a mission to simply advocate for his safety has turned into a full-scale, nonstop battle with a system so corrupt, so broken, and so indifferent to human life that some days, I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. Where do I begin? Maybe with the time he was brutally attacked by another inmate and had to go into protective custody. Or when they transferred him from Red Rock to La Palma without notice, like a pawn on a chessboard. Or the multiple times his PC requests were denied, despite evidence of credible threats—and then used against him to accuse him of making false allegations. The...

From Guard to Wife: My Journey in the Shadows of the Justice System

Search This Blog