Skip to main content

Trusting Through the Bars: My Journey of Faith and Devotion


Trust. It’s the foundation of any relationship, but when your husband is incarcerated, trust becomes both a lifeline and a battlefield. I’ll admit it—I struggled when my husband went back in. I wasn’t just sad; I was angry, resentful, and, if I’m being honest, I almost hated him for putting us in this situation. It felt like everything we had worked for was shattered, like we were back at square one, and I couldn’t see past the pain and frustration.

But then I had to ask myself—where does the blame game get me? Where does it get us? We were already in a tough spot, and pointing fingers wasn’t going to make it any better. So, I stopped. I took a deep breath and asked myself the questions that really mattered.

Do I love him? I mean, truly love him like I said I did when I turned my world completely upside down to be with him? Is he still that man I saw behind the orange suit and DOC number? Is he worth my trust, my loyalty, my faithfulness, my devotion, ME?

Absolutely.

Everyone else in his life—except for his grandmother—walked away from him. They showed him that he didn’t matter, that his screw-ups were bigger than him as a person. They turned their backs and left him feeling like he was nothing more than a hardened "career criminal," as he called it. But you know what? SCREW THAT! I saw HIM, from the moment we met. I saw the man he so desperately wanted to be, the man he could be if only someone believed in him.

I know my husband. I know him when he’s high, I know him when he’s sober, I know him as an inmate, I know him as a human. I KNOW HIM. So, was I going to give up on him? Was I going to let the knowledge of everything I knew about the inside, from my time as a Correctional Officer, make my decisions about him and his faithfulness to me? Was I going to doubt his ability to be honest and stay clean?

NOPE.

I am going to be that wife who fights. I am going to be that devoted, faithful, honest wife who gives him that last bit of hope and strength to stay sober, fight the inside, and COME HOME. Because listen, these guys WANT to change. They are tired, they are worn out. They don’t WANT this life, but it’s what they know. It’s what’s easy. It’s easier to numb the misery than it is to live it.

But how many times do we sit and think, “Damn, if only this shit would stop…?” Well, they made it stop, time and time again, because they never felt good enough to live through it. That’s where we come in. We have to show them that life is worth it, that THEY are worth it. We have to be their strength when they have none left, their hope when the darkness closes in.

Time and time again, my husband has heard those hurtful words from the people he loved—people who should have stood by him when he needed them most. "Tell him I’m done. I have nothing more to say to him. I love him and I will pray for him, but I won’t speak to him again." "He’s a fuck up; he will never change." "He just keeps going back; what makes you think he’ll ever stop?" These words, though not verbatim, are close enough to the truth that they’ve echoed in his mind, driving deeper the pain of abandonment, rejection, and loss that he’s carried for so long.

But here’s the thing: I am the ONE PERSON in this world who knows EVERY SIDE of my husband. I didn’t meet him as Ryan, the man I would come to love with every fiber of my being. No, I met him as a "typical inmate" with a number. I had no idea who he really was. I watched him, monitored him as such, and in doing so, I learned more about him than most people will ever know.

I know him as Ryan, the man who spent his life grappling with abandonment issues, loss, and rejection from his family. The man who battled drug addiction, who didn’t have the schooling or the love that most take for granted. I know him sober. I know him high as a kite. I know him demonic from the drugs, and I know him as MY HUSBAND.

Now, all of those sides are different, but the one worth fighting for is MY HUSBAND. I will fight until the very end for him, because that man—Mr. Ryan Epperson—is the most amazing man I’ve ever had the privilege to not only know, but love, and be loved by.

So many people have walked away from THAT man, and they will never know how truly amazing he is. They see only the mistakes, the relapses, the prison sentences. They don’t see the man who fights every day to be better, to rise above the hand he’s been dealt, to break free from the chains of his past. But not me. I see him, and I am the LUCKY ONE.

I’m the one who gets to stand by his side, to help him shine, because damn it, he’s beyond worth it! I’m not just fighting for a man in prison; I’m fighting for the man who has shown me a love so deep and pure that it’s changed my life. I’m fighting for the man who, despite everything, still has the strength to keep going, to keep trying, to keep loving.

I will never walk away from Ryan. I will never give up on him. He is worth every tear, every sleepless night, every moment of doubt. He is worth it all, because he is not just an inmate, not just a man with a number—he is my husband, my love, my everything.

So, if you ever ask yourself, "Do I trust him?" "Is he lying to me?" "Is he using again?" "Is he talking to other girls?" Stop, take a minute to sit with yourself, your thoughts, your emotions, and ask yourself... Is he worth it? Is he worth the fight to help him let go of all those traumas and insecurities? Is he worth ME showing HIM that he is WORTH IT ALL?! If he's not, because no, not all of them are, then you do what is best for you, because YOU are worth it... BUT... IF HE IS... FIGHT LIKE HELL FOR HIM! Fight with all you have inside, no matter how draining it is, how many tears you shed, how many times you want to hang up that phone or tell him where to go and how to get there... FIGHT! Your love, your prayers, your strength are everything he has NEVER had, but ALWAYS wanted... Trust me when I say... YOU are his angel... How do I know this? Because my husband tells me every day, over and over again... I AM HIS REASON FOR LIVING, and I'll be damned if I let that go!

So yes, it’s hard. Yes, it’s frustrating. And yes, sometimes I feel like the world is stacked against us. But love, trust, and faithfulness aren’t about what’s easy. They’re about seeing the person inside, believing in their potential, and standing by them no matter what. That’s what I’m going to do, and that’s how we’re going to make it through this—together.

Micah 6:8 (NIV): “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

Song of Solomon 8:7 (NIV): "Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned."

#PrisonWifeJourney #TrustAndFaith #InmateAdvocacy #EppersonEmpowerment #DevotionAndStrength #LoveThroughTheBars #EndMassIncarceration #PrisonLife #StayStrong #FightForWhatMatters

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Exposing the Deadly Reality at La Palma Correctional Facility: How Many More Have to Die?

For years, La Palma Correctional Facility in Eloy, Arizona, has been a hotspot for controversy, yet little has been done to address the rampant corruption, officer misconduct, and systemic failures that have turned it into a living hell for those incarcerated within its walls. Most recently, another inmate has died—one of many whose deaths could have been prevented if those in charge had taken real action instead of covering up their negligence. On January 2, 2025, I fought to have my husband moved out of La Palma due to the sheer volume of drugs flooding the yard, which were being brought in by correctional officers. I reported specific names to the Special Security Unit (SSU), thinking that doing the right thing would bring change. Instead, my concerns fell on deaf ears. Now, here we are, with more inmates losing their lives—many of these deaths are suspected overdoses, yet little to no investigation ever seems to result in actual change. A History of Negligence and Deaths This lates...
2 comments
Read more

The Beating You Weren’t Supposed to See: A Former AZDOC Officer Speaks Out

  Let me tell you something right now — that viral 3-minute video Fox 10 Phoenix aired last week? That wasn’t the whole story. That was just the tip of the blood-soaked iceberg. As a former Arizona Department of Corrections Officer, I know exactly what you're looking at in that video. You’re seeing the tail end of a brutal, calculated beatdown that started long before the cameras started rolling. That inmate? He’d already been dragged, pummeled, and bled out — by the time he was being chased down the entire length of the prison yard like a damn scene out of a gladiator movie. Fox 10’s report referred to it as a fight that “spilled out into the prison yard.” SPILLED OUT? Like someone knocked over a soda. No — this wasn’t some spontaneous scuffle. That man was hunted . Let’s Break Down the Bullsh*t Donna Hamm’s Comment: “The inmates are running the asylum, and that's not what the taxpayers in Arizona are paying for.” Newsflash: the inmates have always run the yard. Th...
Post a Comment
Read more

Doing Time on the Outside: The Reality of Being a Prison Wife

"So I know prison wives get a lot of heat from people that don’t understand the life. It’s sad. But we struggle too. We’re serving time too. As much as I love and trust my husband, I will always fact check. These men are survivors with survivor mentality. They’re not in prison for being stand up men 😂 in fact, mine went in a liar and addict. In order to save money, I ask questions. If protecting myself and going behind his back to confirm, oh well. I’ll protect me since he didn’t, wouldn’t and couldn’t… and this is a safe place for LO’s to be able to come together and gather facts without shaming and blaming. A lot of times people will say 'why be with him if you don’t trust him?' That’s fair. But has anyone been in love before 😂 None of us woke up one day and said I’d love to marry a felon. Yet, here we are. I wake up everyday hoping he’d change his lifestyle 🤷🏼‍♀️ I just want women to know it’s okay to be a little on edge. A little apprehensive and untrustworthy. It’...
Post a Comment
Read more