There are moments when you come across something so powerful, so brutally honest, that it stops you in your tracks. When I read these words from Brian Togun, I felt like he had put into words what so many people struggling with addiction have felt but couldn’t articulate. His message is raw, real, and necessary. I want to share it in full because he could not have said it ANY better, and the world needs to hear it.
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Brian Togun:
"I remember before I tried drugs, I asked people what it was like. They said ‘it’s like a burst of energy, a rush that takes your breath, it’s the best feeling ever, I don’t know how to explain it really.’ And they were right, but now if someone were to ever ask me what it’s like, I would tell them…
It’s like spending every single penny you ever had on drugs.
It’s like going days without eating even though you were starving, but you needed dope more.
It’s like having to lie to every family and friend you had ever had.
It’s like waking up hating yourself from the shame and guilt.
It’s like going into withdrawal every 8 hours unless you had more dope to do. (And you usually didn’t.)
It’s like never attending any family event because you were too high or too sick.
It’s like everyone eventually stopped inviting you to events. And even talking to you.
It's like crying yourself to sleep every single night because your children got taken.
It’s like knowing you have one more chance to get better before your child gets adopted and still choosing that bag.
It's like asking others how your own blood child is doing.
It's watching everyone around you succeed and yet you’re crumbling.
It’s like everything was on your drug dealer’s time. If they said five hours, you’ll wait five hours in a car.
It’s like stealing everything worth value for dope. No matter how sentimental it was to you, or someone else.
It’s like losing so much weight you can’t fit into any of your clothes.
It’s like losing everything you’ve ever owned in your entire life.
It’s like nobody believing a word you said, even if it was the truth.
It’s like being a prisoner inside your own head.
It’s like contemplating suicide every single day.
It’s like never being scared to die, because that’s what you wanted.
It’s like trying to shut your brain up for even five minutes. It was worth that little time of peace.
It’s like seeing your family cry for you to stop, only for you to leave and go get high. Because stopping wasn’t an option. It wasn’t possible.
It’s like you’d do absolutely anything for more. And you did.
It’s like everyone hating you no matter where you went, because they knew you were a drug addict.
You'll miss out on your children and they'll be grown before you know it. You'd kill for your child and do any and everything for them, yet you won't be able to get clean for them and we actually turn out to be the ones who hurt them the most.
It’s like overdosing and going to get high right after.
It’s like walking into rehab 100 pounds with the clothes on your back and being scared to death.
It’s like giving your ENTIRE LIFE AWAY.
So if you’re ever curious like I was, please at least know the truth. CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT, and it WILL KILL YOU TOO.” 💯😔👌
The Truth Hurts, But It Can Also Heal
This is what addiction is. Not the glamorized version people sometimes joke about or justify. It’s a prison, a slow death, a thief that takes everything and gives back nothing but pain.
But here’s the other truth—recovery is possible.
I know this firsthand. I am married to an addict. Meth, opioids, alcohol—you name it. I have watched the cycle of relapse, incarceration, and abandonment play out over and over again. I have seen people turn their backs on my husband in his darkest hours, writing him off as just another lost cause. But I refused to do the same. I stood by his side through the worst of the worst, through multiple prison sentences, through the heartbreak of watching him lose himself to addiction.
I won’t sugarcoat it—loving an addict is one of the hardest things you can ever do. It will test every part of you. It will break you. It will force you to look at love in a way the world doesn’t teach us. Real love, unconditional love, doesn’t walk away when things get ugly. It doesn’t abandon someone just because they have fallen. Real love fights. And when someone is drowning in addiction, they need that fight more than anything.
Addiction is a monster, but love is stronger. Love is healing. And I am living proof that standing by someone through the depths of their struggle can help them find their way back. My husband is more than his addiction. He is a man worthy of redemption, and every single day, I remind him of that.
Sin will always take you farther than you wanted to go and keep you longer than you wanted to stay. Quit settling for the counterfeit and grab hold of the only thing that will fill that empty hole in your heart: a true heart change from Jesus and the lifestyle change from the conviction power of the Holy Spirit.
If you’re struggling, if someone you love is struggling, please don’t wait until it’s too late. There is hope. There is help. And most importantly, there is freedom in Christ. Jesus saves.
#JesusSaves #AddictionAwareness #RecoveryIsPossible #TruthHurtsButHeals #HolySpiritConviction #UnconditionalLove #LoveHeals
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