“Dysfunction Junction: What’s Your Malfunction?”

 ~by DeAnna

The Official Full Parody — Prison Edition

Dysfunction Junction,
What’s your malfunction?
You shuffle paperwork like it’s part of the corruption.
Got inmates stacked
In a warehouse pack,
But you call it “correction,”
Even though that’s cap.

Dysfunction JUUUUUUNCTION —

The system’s off track!
You lose every grievance
But you’ll always find snacks.
You can’t fix a program,
But you can start a fight,
’Cause somehow incompetence
Is your God-given right.

Here comes the warden
With his coffee and nerves,
Talkin’ “policy changes”
While not lifting a finger.
He says, “Rehabilitation!
That’s what we do!”
Sir… you literally retaliated
Because somebody filed a 602.

Dysfunction JUUUUUUNCTION —
Where logic goes to die.
You punish self-harm
Then ask “Why’d he even try?”
You cut mental health,
But beef up segregation,
Call that “treatment”?
Honey, that’s institutional gaslighting with decoration.

Now I’m stuck in this circus,
Tryin’ not to lose sight,
Of the man I’m becoming
And the wrong from the right.
But every damn day
It’s a brand-new disaster—
If chaos was a race,
DOC would run faster.

And here I am outside
Tryin’ hard not to scream,
’Cause every “policy update”
Is a bureaucratic fever dream.
I’m fightin’ for answers
Like it’s my full-time job,
While Deputy Fife writes reports
He can barely even spell — sob.

Dysfunction JUUUUUUNCTION —
What’s your malfunction?
Why you treat every crisis
Like a minor interruption?
You break men down
Then ask why they don’t thrive,
But WE are the reason
They even stay alive.

Dysfunction Junction,
Let’s call it what it is:
A system built on failure,
Pretending it’s justice.