Haunted by What I Left Behind: The Lingering Guilt of Silence

Every day I wake up, there’s a part of me that’s still haunted by what I left behind in that prison. Not just the concrete walls, the endless rules, and the broken system, but the guilt that I didn’t speak up sooner. That guilt has lingered, hanging over me like a shadow, reminding me of the silence I once carried. I often ask myself, “Why didn’t I do more? Why didn’t I speak out then?”

The truth is, it wasn’t as simple as just speaking up. When you’re entrenched in a system designed to strip everyone of their humanity — inmates and staff alike — it becomes harder to see your way out, much less make a change from within. At the time, survival meant keeping my head down, following the rules, and making it through each day without becoming another casualty of the system.

But as time passed and I walked away, that survival mode didn’t let me rest. The guilt grew. It was no longer about just doing my job — it was about the broken system I left behind and the voices that were still silenced. I was one of those silenced voices for far too long.

Today, I’m learning how to release that guilt, piece by piece. I may not have had the power to speak up back then, but I do now. It’s taken time, healing, and self-forgiveness to get to this point, but I’m here. I’m using this platform to talk about what I couldn’t say before: the corruption, the mistreatment, and the souls trapped behind bars — both literally and metaphorically.

It’s not easy to confront the past, especially when it’s filled with moments of silence I wish I could change. But every word I write now is a step forward in reclaiming my voice and making sure that what I left behind doesn’t continue without accountability.

The prison system is a heavy place — one that weighs on everyone inside it. My journey from being part of that world to leaving it behind isn’t over. But one thing I know for certain: I won’t be silenced again. I will speak for those who still don’t have the freedom to do so, and I will continue to share my story, unfiltered and unapologetic.

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” — Romans 8:1

#PowerOfOurVoices #EppersonEmpowerment #FromGuardToWife #BreakingTheSilence #HealingThroughTruth #SpeakingOut #NoMoreGuilt

Comments

Exposing the Deadly Reality at La Palma Correctional Facility: How Many More Have to Die?

For years, La Palma Correctional Facility in Eloy, Arizona, has been a hotspot for controversy, yet little has been done to address the rampant corruption, officer misconduct, and systemic failures that have turned it into a living hell for those incarcerated within its walls. Most recently, another inmate has died—one of many whose deaths could have been prevented if those in charge had taken real action instead of covering up their negligence. On January 2, 2025, I fought to have my husband moved out of La Palma due to the sheer volume of drugs flooding the yard, which were being brought in by correctional officers. I reported specific names to the Special Security Unit (SSU), thinking that doing the right thing would bring change. Instead, my concerns fell on deaf ears. Now, here we are, with more inmates losing their lives—many of these deaths are suspected overdoses, yet little to no investigation ever seems to result in actual change. A History of Negligence and Deaths This lates...

The Beating You Weren’t Supposed to See: A Former AZDOC Officer Speaks Out

Let me tell you something right now — that viral 3-minute video Fox 10 Phoenix aired last week? That wasn’t the whole story. That was just the tip of the blood-soaked iceberg. As a former Arizona Department of Corrections Officer, I know exactly what you're looking at in that video. You’re seeing the tail end of a brutal, calculated beatdown that started long before the cameras started rolling. That inmate? He’d already been dragged, pummeled, and bled out — by the time he was being chased down the entire length of the prison yard like a damn scene out of a gladiator movie. Fox 10’s report referred to it as a fight that “spilled out into the prison yard.” SPILLED OUT? Like someone knocked over a soda. No — this wasn’t some spontaneous scuffle. That man was hunted . Let’s Break Down the Bullsh*t Donna Hamm’s Comment: “The inmates are running the asylum, and that's not what the taxpayers in Arizona are paying for.” Newsflash: the inmates have always run the yard. Th...

Inside the Lewis Bachman Unit: A Call for Reform

The Lewis Prison Complex, located in Buckeye, Arizona, comprises eight units, including the Bachman Unit, where my husband is currently incarcerated. This unit houses inmates under protective custody, ranging from minimum to medium security levels, with a capacity of 752 inmates across four dormitory-style buildings. ( corrections.az.gov ) Systemic Issues Plaguing the Facility Over the years, the Lewis Complex has been marred by numerous incidents that highlight systemic issues within its walls: Contraband Infiltration: In January 2025, a correctional officer named Berman Comon was arrested for allegedly smuggling drugs and contraband cellphones into the Rast Unit of Lewis Prison. Comon, who had served as a counselor for 11 years, reportedly received $5,000 per trip to bring in the illicit items. ( abc15.com ) Inmate Unrest: In November 2018, surveillance footage revealed inmates in the Rast Max Unit setting fires outside their cells, leading to the evacuation of the entire unit. Thi...

From Guard to Wife: My Journey in the Shadows of the Justice System

Search This Blog