Loving ALL of him

There is only one person in this world who knows every single side of Ryan—me.

I know the addicted him, the one who struggled in the darkness, consumed by a battle so few understand. I know the sober him, the man who fights every day to reclaim his life, his future, and the dreams that addiction tried to steal. I know the inside-of-prison him, the one who has learned how to survive in a world designed to strip him of humanity, where every day is a test of patience, willpower, and the ability to hold onto who he really is. I know the outside-of-prison him, the man who longs for freedom, for redemption, for the chance to build something real and lasting beyond these walls.

I know the vulnerable him, the man who lets his guard down with me, who isn't afraid to show his fears, his worries, and the deep wounds he carries. I know the pretending-to-be-strong him, the one who wears a mask for the world because sometimes, showing weakness feels more dangerous than staying silent.

I know the him his family expects him to be—the version of himself that they created in their minds, the one who has had to fit into their expectations, whether fair or not. And I know the him his family has both built up and torn down, the pieces of him they have chosen to see and the ones they have ignored.

But through all of it, through every single version of Ryan, I am the one person who has never walked away.

I love him. Not just the best parts of him, not just the parts that make sense to the world, not just the pieces that are easy to love—I love him in his entirety. I love him unconditionally, without judgment, without hatred, without regret, without disappointment. I love the man, not just his potential, not just his success, not just his good days. I love him for his soul, his truth, his heart, even the parts that have been broken by life.

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." - 1 Corinthians 13:7

Because I took the time to know him.

I know the skeletons in his closet, the secrets he keeps locked away, the wounds so deep that most people would turn and run if they saw them. But I don’t run. I never have, and I never will. Because when he lets those skeletons out, when he lets me see the parts of him no one else has ever stayed long enough to understand, I see the truth—the truth of a man who has fought battles no one should have to fight, who has survived pain most people couldn’t imagine.

And I see the man he is becoming, the man he always had the potential to be.

The difference between me and everyone else in his life? I don’t love him for who I want him to be. I don’t love him for who he used to be.

I love him for exactly who he is, in every single form, in every single version.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." - 1 Peter 4:8

And that kind of love? It doesn’t waver. It doesn’t fade. It doesn’t run.

Because real love—the kind that lasts, the kind that heals, the kind that breaks cycles and rewrites stories—that kind of love is unconditional. And he has that in me.

Our journey began in a way most would never expect. We met in 2023 while he was in prison. I was on the side of the law, taught to see men like him as criminals, to believe that their past defined them. He was an addict facing time, caught in the grips of a system that never saw the man beyond the mistakes.

When he came home, it was a learning experience for us both. For him, it was learning how to stay sober while building a life with a woman 23 years older than him—a woman who had never been in trouble with the law, who had lived by faith, and who had fought her own battles of trauma and pain. And for me, it was seeing firsthand what the life of a recovering addict truly looks like—not the dramatized version from television, but the raw, painful, and unfiltered reality.

Addiction is ugly. It is demonic. And now that I have witnessed it with my own eyes, I know that it is something I can never fully explain to anyone who hasn’t lived through it. It is not a story on a screen, it is not something that can be romanticized or simplified—it is real. It is the most demonic thing I have ever encountered.

But in the midst of it all, I see his heart. I see the man who desperately wants to be more than his past. I see the man who wants to be a godly husband, who longs to lead our family with love, to break the cycle that has followed him for so long. He wants to know what it means to live a life filled with love and trust, to finally see the good in the world instead of only the bad—because the bad is all he has ever known.

"Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." - Mark 10:9

And I am here, beside him, through it all. Not just as a witness, but as his partner. His love. His safe place.

Because this is what love truly means.

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