From Guard to Wife: My Journey in the Shadows of the Justice System

The photos below are from a bathroom in a federal prison in Fort Dix, New Jersey—a place where human beings are forced to live in conditions that are nothing short of appalling. Inmates use these facilities daily, surrounded by filth and unsanitary conditions, with no choice but to endure it. How is this acceptable? How can we, as a society, continue to ignore the treatment of incarcerated individuals? These men and women may be serving sentences for their mistakes, but they are still human beings. They are fathers, sons, mothers, daughters, siblings, and friends. Their humanity does not disappear simply because they are behind bars. I understand the complexities of the prison system—there are individuals who deserve to be there, and others who should not. My stepfather, for example, committed unforgivable acts and walks free. But for every one like him, there are countless others who are locked up unfairly, many of whom face daily mistreatment and neglect. This is not about excusing c...

As I reflect on the countless stories of injustice I’ve encountered, my mind keeps returning to the theme of silence—how it suffocates the truth, perpetuates harm, and silences the voices that need to be heard the most. For too long, many of us have been complicit in the silence surrounding the injustices faced by those who are incarcerated. Whether by ignorance, fear, or apathy, this silence allows a broken system to thrive unchecked. The Weight of Silence Silence has always been a tool of control. In a society where voices are systematically muted, the truth struggles to rise to the surface. How often have we turned a blind eye to the mistreatment of those in prison, assuming it's not our problem? How many of us have been conditioned to believe that those behind bars deserve to be forgotten, that their suffering is their own fault? The truth is, our silence enables a system that thrives on oppression. When we refuse to speak up for those who are incarcerated, we become part of th...

  Today, my heart is heavy yet ignited with purpose after coming across the powerful poem "Those in Prison" by Susan Zalatan. This poem speaks a painful truth that so many of us who have loved ones behind bars know all too well. It's a truth that I have witnessed firsthand as I continue to advocate for my husband's rights and for all those who are stuck in a system that strips away their humanity rather than helping them rebuild it. The Contradictions of Our Prison System We say we want incarcerated individuals to become responsible, yet we strip away every ounce of responsibility from them. We tell them to be positive and constructive, but the system degrades them, leaving them to feel useless. The prison system demands trust and nonviolence, but surrounds these individuals with nothing but distrust and brutality. Susan’s words hit home: We want them to be trustworthy, so we put them where there is no trust. We want them to be nonviolent, so we surround them with vi...

Sometimes, words cut deep because they reveal truths we may have sensed but not yet fully faced. Susan Zalatan’s poem, “Those in Prison,” is one such piece. It captures the heartbreaking contradiction in how we treat people in prison, stripping away their humanity while professing to “correct” them. Reading this poem stirred something profound in me. Every line speaks to the cruel irony of our prison system—how we claim to want those incarcerated to become responsible, positive, trustworthy, and nonviolent, yet we place them in environments where these qualities are nearly impossible to develop. Instead, the system forces them to adopt survival tactics that push them further from rehabilitation and deeper into despair. The line that struck me most is, “We want them to quit exploiting us / So we cage them where they exploit each other.” It’s an honest acknowledgment of the cycle of exploitation within prison walls—one fueled by conditions that make any real growth feel unattainable. T...

Advocating for change in a system as complex and flawed as the prison system often feels like facing an immovable wall. Each week, I reach out to officials, organizations, and agencies, laying out the injustices and systemic failures that impact my husband and countless others. But instead of real solutions, I receive a series of “textbook” responses — words that sound polite but ultimately go nowhere. They acknowledge my concerns without actually addressing them, leaving the issues unresolved and justice out of reach. The cycle is as predictable as it is infuriating. I express concern about Ryan’s neglected medical needs, the ongoing retaliation he faces, and the limitations placed on our communication. They reply with deflections, suggesting I contact vendors or blaming Ryan for his own mistreatment. They assure me that “appropriate monitoring” is in place while sidestepping the real issues at hand. The message is clear: they’re hoping I’ll give up, that I’ll stop questioning, that I...

  Every week, I send out emails and make calls, fighting to address the systemic neglect and violations that impact my husband and so many others within the prison system. I lay out the details — medical neglect, inadequate living conditions, blocked communication, and blatant retaliation — and hope for real answers. Instead, what I receive is a rotation of dismissive responses that often fail to address the urgent needs I’ve outlined. The pattern is so predictable it’s almost surreal: it feels as though I’m talking to an echo chamber of bureaucracy, where issues are acknowledged but never remedied. Over the past few months, I’ve shared my concerns about the failures in Ryan’s medical treatment, including his untreated PTSD, malnutrition, and need for genetic testing to ensure proper medication. Each response follows the same formula: a scripted acknowledgment, a reminder to submit health requests he’s already submitted, and assurances that the system is "monitoring" his cond...

Advocacy is a journey, one that challenges me every day but also fills me with purpose. I knew from the start that standing up to a system as immense and flawed as the prison system wouldn’t be easy. But as each day passes, I’m reminded of why this fight matters — not only for my husband but for all those who suffer silently within the walls of these institutions. Every step forward is a chance to make their voices heard and to expose the truths that are often kept hidden. Over time, I’ve reached out to everyone who might listen — state authorities, advocacy organizations, even the media. I’ve shared my husband’s story, the barriers he’s faced in accessing basic medical care, and the retaliation he endures as a result of my efforts to protect his rights. It’s both frustrating and heartbreaking to realize just how many people are in the same situation, with families on the outside fighting tirelessly on their behalf. What I’ve learned is that true change requires both resilience and pat...

Each day I’m reminded why I started this journey of advocacy. Standing up against a system that fails so many isn’t easy, but it’s necessary. There’s a strength that comes from persevering, even when faced with resistance and setbacks. This strength isn’t just for me — it’s for my husband, for every inmate denied basic rights, and for the families on the outside left to pick up the pieces. The more I speak out, the more I uncover how deeply ingrained the neglect and mistreatment are. It’s clear that our prison system is designed to break rather than build. Instead of providing support and resources for true rehabilitation, inmates are often left in conditions that worsen their health, strip away their dignity, and take away any hope of change. This isn’t just a failure of policy; it’s a failure of humanity. My husband’s journey has opened my eyes to these issues in a personal way, but I know he’s far from alone in this struggle. Every phone call, every letter, and every outreach effort...

Every day, the fight to expose the realities of the prison system and advocate for those trapped within it feels more urgent. November brings with it a renewed sense of determination for me. The more I uncover, the stronger my resolve to continue shedding light on what happens behind those walls. Advocacy isn’t easy; it’s messy, frustrating, and exhausting — but I won’t back down. As I continue to push for change, I’m reminded that this fight isn’t just about my husband’s rights; it’s about the systemic failures that affect so many others like him. With each letter sent to officials, each phone call made, and each email fired off, I realize just how vast the neglect and disregard truly are. The system is designed to be impenetrable, relying on the silence of those within and the ignorance of those on the outside. But what if we refuse to be silent? What if we break that cycle? Recently, I’ve seen more examples of how the system fails — not only my husband but countless others. Men and ...

Advocating for change in the prison system is like pushing against a wall that doesn’t want to budge. Every day, I face the same harsh reality: a system built to “rehabilitate” is failing those it’s meant to serve. My husband’s story is just one example, and unfortunately, it is far from unique. The more I uncover about the conditions he and countless others endure, the more I feel compelled to speak out. This is not just about justice for him; it’s about justice for every individual who has been abandoned by a system that’s supposed to be about second chances, not perpetual punishment. Recently, I’ve had to contact various state officials, demanding accountability for the conditions my husband faces. It’s astonishing how difficult it can be to get answers, and even more shocking how often these basic human rights are ignored. From inadequate medical care to the mental health needs that go unaddressed, this system is not only neglectful—it’s actively harmful. For many of these individu...