From Guard to Wife: My Journey in the Shadows of the Justice System

There are moments when you come across something so powerful, so brutally honest, that it stops you in your tracks. When I read these words from Brian Togun, I felt like he had put into words what so many people struggling with addiction have felt but couldn’t articulate. His message is raw, real, and necessary. I want to share it in full because he could not have said it ANY better, and the world needs to hear it. Follow Brian Togun here: Brian Togun on Facebook Brian Togun: "I remember before I tried drugs, I asked people what it was like. They said ‘it’s like a burst of energy, a rush that takes your breath, it’s the best feeling ever, I don’t know how to explain it really.’ And they were right, but now if someone were to ever ask me what it’s like, I would tell them… It’s like spending every single penny you ever had on drugs. It’s like going days without eating even though you were starving, but you needed dope more. It’s like having to lie to every family and friend you had ...

Prison is more than just bars and razor wire—it is an evil force that sinks its demonic claws into anyone connected to it. It doesn’t just punish the one inside; it punishes those who dare to love them. My husband and I are living proof of the resilience required to survive a prison marriage. We aren’t just battling time—we’re battling a system designed to break us both. Two Separate Lives, One Marriage Being married to someone in prison means living two separate lives. My husband is fighting to survive inside, navigating a world where trust is non-existent, and danger lurks in every corner. Meanwhile, I am on the outside, fighting a different kind of battle—staying alert to those who seek to harm me, ensuring that our love withstands the weight of the system that wants to crush it. He is forced to exist in two realities: the hardened world of prison, where vulnerability is a weakness, and the world we’ve built together, where love is his only refuge. But being married to a former corr...

  Imagine waking up every day with a constant, invisible force gripping your chest. The mere thought of stepping outside your door feels like standing at the edge of a cliff, heart racing, lungs refusing to fill, hands clammy with the terror of the unknown. Now, add to that an overwhelming need for solitude—a desperate craving to avoid the noise, the people, the expectations that drain every ounce of energy from your soul. This is my reality. This is what it’s like to live with agoraphobia, panic disorder, and extreme introversion in a world that refuses to understand. Society loves to throw out quick fixes: "Just go outside more." "You’ll feel better if you socialize." "Push through it." "It’s all in your head." And let’s not forget the classic: "It’s not that big of a deal." But let me tell you something—it is a big deal. It’s a battle I fight every single day, a war raging between my mind and my environment, and every dismissive com...

  When you look at my 26-year-old husband, you can see the life that is taken from him when using. Drug addiction isn’t just a bad habit or a series of bad choices—it’s a soul-stealing disease that strips away everything that makes a person whole. The world loves to paint addiction as something people just fall into, something they can simply walk away from when they’ve had enough. But the truth? The truth is that addiction doesn’t just take—it consumes. And meth and fentanyl are two of the deadliest thieves out there. Meth: The Master Manipulator Methamphetamine, better known as meth, is one of the most sinister drugs in existence. It starts off like a best friend, promising energy, euphoria, and confidence. It makes people feel invincible, like they can take on anything the world throws at them. But that high comes at a cost—a cost higher than most ever realize until it’s too late. Meth doesn’t just change behavior; it rewires the brain. It destroys dopamine receptors, making it ...

There is only one person in this world who knows every single side of Ryan—me. I know the addicted him, the one who struggled in the darkness, consumed by a battle so few understand. I know the sober him, the man who fights every day to reclaim his life, his future, and the dreams that addiction tried to steal. I know the inside-of-prison him, the one who has learned how to survive in a world designed to strip him of humanity, where every day is a test of patience, willpower, and the ability to hold onto who he really is. I know the outside-of-prison him, the man who longs for freedom, for redemption, for the chance to build something real and lasting beyond these walls. I know the vulnerable him, the man who lets his guard down with me, who isn't afraid to show his fears, his worries, and the deep wounds he carries. I know the pretending-to-be-strong him, the one who wears a mask for the world because sometimes, showing weakness feels more dangerous than staying silent. I know the...

  Some songs aren’t just songs. They are stories—living, breathing memories wrapped in melody. How Could You Leave Us? by NF isn’t just a song to my husband. It’s his past, his present, and the battle he still fights every single day. And every time I hear it, it breaks me. Because I know what it does to him. I know what it reminds him of. And I know that despite everything, he still longs for the love of the people who walked away. A Childhood No Child Should Have to Remember My husband was 12, almost 13, when his mother left. But before she did, she left wounds so deep they still bleed today. He remembers everything—the screaming, the cheating, the fights that never stopped. He remembers his mother bashing his father over the head with an iron frying pan. He remembers sitting in the shower with his dad while the blood ran down the drain. He remembers the hatred in their voices, the venom in their words. That was marriage to him. That was love. That was the blueprint for what it ...

  There’s something the prison system doesn’t want you to know. Abuse, neglect, and corruption are not exceptions—they are the rule. I know this because I worked on the inside. As a former Correctional Officer (CO), I was taught that these men weren’t human. They were numbers. They were garbage. And we were trained to “hate all inmates equally.” That was the job. Every day, I watched the system break people. Not just the men behind bars, but the families who loved them, the few staff who actually cared, and, eventually, me. I walked away from that life, but the truth still haunts me. Now, I speak up—not just as someone who worked inside, but as a prison wife, an advocate, and someone who refuses to stay silent. Because people need to know what really happens behind those walls. The Dehumanization of Inmates: You Are Just a Number In prison, inmates are not treated like people. They are numbers, statistics, bodies taking up space. And when you start seeing human beings as nothi...

"So I know prison wives get a lot of heat from people that don’t understand the life. It’s sad. But we struggle too. We’re serving time too. As much as I love and trust my husband, I will always fact check. These men are survivors with survivor mentality. They’re not in prison for being stand up men 😂 in fact, mine went in a liar and addict. In order to save money, I ask questions. If protecting myself and going behind his back to confirm, oh well. I’ll protect me since he didn’t, wouldn’t and couldn’t… and this is a safe place for LO’s to be able to come together and gather facts without shaming and blaming. A lot of times people will say 'why be with him if you don’t trust him?' That’s fair. But has anyone been in love before 😂 None of us woke up one day and said I’d love to marry a felon. Yet, here we are. I wake up everyday hoping he’d change his lifestyle 🤷🏼‍♀️ I just want women to know it’s okay to be a little on edge. A little apprehensive and untrustworthy. It’...

People love to pass judgment. It’s almost second nature to them—to look at a situation from the outside and assume they know the full story. I’ve been judged more in the past year than in my entire life combined. I’ve been ridiculed, abandoned, labeled, and written off as someone I am not, all because of the choices I’ve made—choices that, in the eyes of others, were wrong. But in my heart, I know they were right. I left a marriage that no longer served either of us. We grew apart, and I refused to stay in something that was empty. And then I fell in love—with a man who has been to hell and back, a man society looks at and instantly dismisses because of his past. My husband is a recovering addict. He relapsed, he got arrested, and because I was in the car with him that night, I got arrested too. A guilty-by-association situation that changed the course of my life, but not in the way people think. For the past year, I have lived alone, feeling the sting of judgment in every aspect of my...